如何使用中国厕所——一个外国人的指导

2015-10-03 23:12:41

A Foreigners Guide to Using Chinese Toilets

如何使用中国厕所—— 一个外国人的指导

I have been wandering around China for 40 years so now I feel like I am qualified to tell you about Chinese toilets.

我已经在中国四处游荡了40 年，所以现在我觉得我有资格向大家介绍一下每天都要进出的中国的厕所。

First: Chinese use squat toilets. Remember to pull your pants all the way down. This prevents you from peeing in in your pants. It is very embarrassing to walk out of a restroom after you have peed in your pants. It makes you look stupid .

第一：中国人用蹲式厕所。记住要一直拽着你的裤子，这可以防止你尿到裤子上。如果从厕所出来后你尿到了裤子上那就非常尴尬了，看起来很愚蠢。

Second: Chinese do not provide toilet paper like the rest of the civilized world. You must bring your own toilet paper, Bring extra if you are inclined to get diarrhea. Bring extra if you have other foreign friends who forgot to bring their toilet paper.

第二：中国不像其他的文明国家一样提供卫生纸。你必须自己带卫生纸进出厕所，如果那天肚子内急（拉肚子）的话，急急忙忙跑进厕所，蹲下以后，哇！忘记带手纸，那可真是急出一身冷汗……所以口袋里宁可不带钱包也一定要记得带手纸。如果你有其他的外国朋友来中国，首先要提醒他们进入洗手间之前千万别忘记带卫生纸，如果是女生，还要提醒她们多带一些。

For this tutorial, I have provided two instructional pictures.

在本教程中，我提供了两个教学图片。

On the right you see an old fashion Chinese toilet. Before they had the Olympics in 2008 where Chinese had to modernize and show off to the rest of the world, most Chinese toilets looked like this. The right side is for boys and the left side is for girls.

下图是一个旧样式的中国厕所（民间叫茅房/茅坑。这张图片的区别是他的建筑材料不是用茅草，而是用砖头）。在举世关注的 2008北京奥运会中国将它的现代化展现给全世界的同时，大多数的中国厕所依然就是这个样子的。右侧的是男，左侧的是女。它们还有个中国名称叫方便。无论你拉屎还是撒尿，都没有洗手设施，尽管方便好了。

I have a picture of the inside, but I am sure you don't want to see that It is just a big hole with a bunch of shit in it.

我也有厕所里面的照片，但是我想你不会想看。那是一个大洞，里面臭气熏天，你如果不捏着鼻子，憋口气，就会把你呛个跟斗，因为里面有屎尿浑然一体的大粪坑，作为男士，小便还好些，你可以与那粪坑长方形的蹲口拉开距离，远程射线尽快完成你的方便。如果不幸你要大便，那就糟糕了，你必须断下来对吧，必须提心吊胆地蹲到下面黑乎乎的粪坑上面，如果你的大便很粗很结实，那可就糟糕了，因为它们的冲击力很可能反馈给你的屁股以及只要它们能够喷射回来的身体衣服。这个时候，你一定想跳下去决斗……

There is no door of course. The Chinese don't have a word for privacy and you should ignore the flies and the smell.

当然没有门。中国人没有一点隐私。你应该忽略厕所中的苍蝇和臭味。

There is no flush of course, These old toilets flushed themselves automatically. All you had to do was wait for a big rain and all the shit would wash it out into the street and float away.

也没有冲水，这些老式的马桶可以自动冲水。你所需要做的就是等待一场大雨降临，将所有的屎冲到街上漂走。

On the left, you see a modern Chinese toilet. Well, actually these are not Chinese toilets. They are Japanese toilets. Chinese love Japanese inventions, even though they may not love Japanese. Well, they are not actually modern Japanese toilet, they are the way Japanese toilets looked about 100 years ago.

下图是一个现代大部分中国人普遍使用的厕所。嗯，其实这不是中国的厕所，而是日本的厕所。尽管中国人不喜欢日本，但是中国人喜欢日本的发明。好吧，其实这也不是日本的现代的厕所，这只是100 年前日本的厕所的样子。

The second illustration is a toilet at one of the top ten Universities in the China where I work. If you come to China you must get used to Chinese ways. Don't forget to bring your own toilet paper.

第二个图片是我工作的学校，一所在中国排名前十的学校的厕所。如果你来中国，一定要习惯于中国的方式，不要忘记自己带卫生纸。

Third: Be prepared to flush before you use the toilet. Not all Chinese have been taught to flush. Forth: The basket is for toilet paper. Chinese will provide a basket for toilet paper, but they will not provide toilet paper. Chinese do not put toilet paper in the toilet, because they think it will not flush. I always flush the toilet paper. I figure if the toilet brakes because of toilet paper, it needed to be replaced anyway. I also do not like to squat by a basket of used toilet paper.

第三：在使用厕所之前做好准备冲水。不是所有的中国人都被教导要冲水。

第四：篮子是用来放卫生纸的。在中国厕所会提供一个用来装卫生纸的篮子，但是不会提供卫生纸。中国人不会将卫生纸扔到马桶里，因为他们认为这回使马桶堵塞。我总是将卫生纸用冲水冲下去，因为我觉得如果马桶因为卫生纸就堵塞了，那它无论如何也该换了。我也不太喜欢蹲在一篮子用过的卫生纸旁边。

The brushes (wipers) you see are for cleaning up after yourself or after the people before you who did not clean up after themselves. The one on the right has a very thin plastic handle. Chinese do not like to spend money on useful things. If it is cheep they will buy it. The brush on the right will not even work once, because the plastic handle is so week it will break off and fall in the toilet. I like to use them first. It encourages Chinese to buy a better brush the next time.

你看到的刷子是用来清理你自己或前一个没有清理的人的厕所。右侧是一个很细的塑料把手。中国人不喜欢在有用的东西上花钱。如果很便宜的话他们就会买。右侧的刷子甚至一次都不能使用，因为塑料把手非常不结实容易掉到厕所里。我喜欢第一个用这个刷子，这可以使中国人下次买一个质量好一些的刷子。

The brush on the left has a more sturdy handle. The fluff ball on the end is made of yarn. So after you clean the toilet, you have to rinse the fluff ball off in the water. But since the fluff ball is made of yarn , it is like rinsing shit out of a sweater.

左侧的刷子的手柄更加坚固，刷子顶端的毛球是用纱线做的。所以清洁完厕所后，你必须在水中冲洗毛球。但因为毛球是用纱线做的，冲洗特别像是在洗一件粘了屎的毛衣。

They do have more sturdy brushes with bristles, but Chinese do not like to buy them because they are useful.

其实也有更多的刷毛坚固的刷子，但是中国人不会因为它们是有用的就喜欢买。

Despite the fact that I teach physics at a major Chinese university, even after 40 years I realized I did not understand everything there is to know about Chinese toilets. Such as whether to squat facing the water, or away from the water.

尽管我已经在中国的一所重点大学教物理，甚至40 年后我才意识到我并不了解中国的厕所。比如蹲下时应该面朝着水还是背对着水。

In order to resolve this problem, I called several other professors to my office for consultation on the subject. I called in both girl professors and boy professors.

为了解决这个问题，我打电话叫来其他几个教授来到我的办公室，向他们咨讯这个问题。我叫来的有男教授也有女教授。

I figured maybe girls squatted different than boys and if so I wanted to be thorough. What I found out is that Chinese themselves are not sure how to use a squat toilet.

我想也许女生的蹲厕方式和男生的不同。如果是这样的话我想彻底了解。但是我发现，中国人自己也不确定如何使用蹲厕。

Professor Wang said: “It does not matter which direction the water is, you squat facing the door”

王教授说： “ 水在哪个方向不要紧，你对着门蹲着就行。”

Professor Li said: “you squat facing the pee catcher. And the girl professors agreed.” But no one agreed on which way you were supposed to squat if there was no pee catcher.

李教授说：“ 你对着小便池蹲。” 那个女教授表示同意。”

This should not be too surprising since even the famous Bruce Lee ( 李小龙) did not know how to use a western toilet. Bruce thought you were supposed to stand on the seat. Japanese toilets are no less complicated.

所以大名鼎鼎的李小龙不知道如何使用西方的厕所也不足为奇了。李小龙以为你应该站在马桶上。日本的厕所可能也很复杂。

A note on toilet paper: Chinese like to buy the cheapest possible stuff Again even if it does not work. I do not like cheep Chinese toilet paper because your finger always pokes through the toilet paper into your butt and I don't like that.

关于卫生纸：即使不好用，中国人也喜欢尽可能买最便宜的东西。我不喜欢便宜的中国卫生纸，因为手指会捅破卫生纸蹭到屁股上，我不喜欢这样。

So I always buy top quality Chinese toilet paper.

所以我总是买最优质的中国卫生纸。